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Strapping Young Lad / Ocean Machine
Cradle Of Filth

Next ish:

I had been looking forward to this gig for quite some time; not only are vocalist Devin's songs quite weird at times, but he is also for some reason a really interesting person to me (not least because of the fact that, like me, he suffers from premature baldness. Still only 25, and being involved with as many bands as he has (The Wildhearts, Steve Vai to name just a couple), there must be something special about him surely. [And it's not just him, drummer Gene Hoglan has also been in his fair share of bands] Both albums by SYL have looked like very serious albums on the outside, but open up the cover and you'll find out what the band are really about: fun. But anyone can be funny on paper can't they? (Well no actually, trust me - I've tried) Devin + Co are not just crap run of the mill humour merchants, they are actually funny. On tonight's evidence, Hevy Devy himself could probably make a pretty good standup comic, he's very quick and natural with his wit. Whatever I say it's going to sound shite compared to being there, I can't portray what went on.

One of the first things he said when he came onstage was not to expect to hear much from Ocean Machine cos his voice was fucked; not to worry, I can habdle that. Next came a rant about the crap PA (it really was quite crap), and something along the lines of 'Hey, this bit would sound really good through a decent PA, just pretend OK?' All the way through the set he was improvising and genuinely having fun. There's none of the all-too-common scripted political rants here, just loads and loads of atmosphere and enjoyment. Also, in character (and looks - almost) Devin is almost identical to Jim Carey in that 'I'm completely nuts' kind of way. It definitely works for them.

Although having never seen them, I imagine that Anthrax would have had this sort of atmosphere in the 80s - it's just a shame more modern bands don't join in. Anyway apart from that: I've been to 65 gigs so far in my life (yes, I counted them), probably more like 69 by the time you read this, and I'd have to say this was probably the most enjoyable of the lot. My previous best gig was Alanis Morrissette.

My new gig t-shirt reads:

MUSIC THAT RIPS YOUR ASS OPEN,
FILLS IT FULL OF TURKEY GIBLETS,
SEWS IT BACK UP,
AND ROASTS IT ON HIGH
FOR 45 MINUTES

Ace!

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Kevin

Before I say anything else, I just want to make it clear that I'm not actually a huge Cradle fan, in fact I think they could be a hell of a lot better than they are. I was going to London to visit a friend on the weekend of the gig, so I thought I'd go along to see what all the fuss is about. I knew I'd have a good time there whatever the music was like.

Due to a misunderstanding I turned up at the venue at 9pm, expecting the first band, Einherjer, to be just about to take the stage; I quickly found out that both the support bands had actually finished their sets, and Cradle were soon to take the stage. I had two further shocks not long after entering the venue: firstly I had expected lots of people to all done up on white foundation and black eyeliner etc, but I don't think I saw anyone like that (maybe Londoners are too repressed). Secondly, I was horrified when I went to the bar and bought two drinks and was charged the rather un-studenty sum of £5.20 for them. [I was later to find out that that was actually the cheapest round all weekend!] Anyway, not only that, but there was absolutely nothing decent to drink. The choice consisted of pishy lager and bitter: no heavy / nukie / SD etc. Enough of my moaning.

Surprisingly, the background music while everything was being set up was Metallica's black album which got me in a good mood from the start. I was extremely shocked when I say Iron Maiden took the stage; oh no sorry, it wasn't Maiden after all, it was Cradle Of Filth. These guys were so Maidenesque it was rediculous! The two guitarists standing at opposite ends of the stage looking into the crowd, both in full foot-on-monitor flow. Nicholas, their drummer, was doing the usual Maiden thing of wearing the band's own t-shirt (tastefully reading 'Cradle Of Filth Are Cunts'). Spandex was swapped for leather, Eddie was swapped for dodgy cage dancers and Countess Bathory (class song, they should covered that). To top everything off, do you remember during Maiden's set at Donnington 92 when Bruce started going on about the moving TV camera (R2D2) filming them? Well yes, Cradle even had one of those sweeping it's way across the crowd! As expected, they had the typical theatrical stage set, though unlike many other bands, they failed to actually make use of any of it - it was just there.

At the side of the stage stood a dimly lit boxom blonde girl who sang all the female vocal parts, including the bits supposed to be the rather darker haired Ms Bathory. The poor thing had to stand there all the way through the set even though she was not actually used very much. Either side of the stage at the back heralded a scantily-clad cage dancer, though I could only really see one of them properly. Not only did she look crap, but she couldn't dance and the cage itself was obviously not very strong - whenever she held onto the bars they just bent and shook like rubber! I don't know if you've seen the video to My Girlfriend's Girlfriend, but the other dancer looked cheezy enough to star in it with her glitter-ball style bra. The backdrop was a painting of a pant-wearing lady strapped with her hands in the air, and legs spread obviously, to an inverted cross (crucifiction style). The rest of the set actually reminded me of a stage set that my first band

D
E
C
DEATH
Y

(Death + Decay) made up years ago; upright coffin, table, stone (fibreglass) coffin-type-thing which Bathory took great delight in draping herself over. At the front of the stage, Dani had a lecturn erected for himself (to remind him of his inter-song ramblings no doubt).

Enough of that: to the actual show. Well, the band came on, started playing, finished the first song, started up again. Yep, it really did start out that boring. None of them moved, the bassist just stayed at the back of the stage and hid. Having said that, the music was actually quite good. In my opinion it sounded a lot better than it does on their CDs - thankfully.You could tell whenever they were going into a song from the new Cruelty... album by the really cheezy keyboards that kick in. In fact, talking of cheeze, Dani had his glow-in-the-dark tour pass/sticker stuck to his left thigh. At least the man showed a sense of humour when introducing one of their songs as a 'Bavarian chart-hopper'.

The evil Countess strutted on after about 4 or five songs clad in skin-tight red PVC - first mistake, I'm sure they didn't have PVC back then! It was quite a vile colour also, so I was glad when she changed it later for a black version (no, not while onstage). To go with her new-found blackness, her arms were covered in tomato sauce which she liked to rub while prancing around. Some punk seemed to like it anyway, as I saw his green mohican get dragged out of the pit by security when he tried to get on the stage. At the same time I noticed two girls standing (staggering) at the side of the stage, obviously both pissed - I feel sorry for them, they made a bit of a fool of themselves.

As the band move offstage, Bathory reappears with a black SuperSoaker™ filled with - you guessed it - fake blood. And yes, the crowd got covered in it for about 5 minutes or so. When their guitarist came back on he was carrying a broken piece of wood which he passed into the crowd: it that not fucking dangerous? I'm all for people having fun, but that could have easily caused serious injury. During their second encore (I think) Dani managed to pull the lead right out of his mic while he was singing: O Icy One, it's not just you!

Now for the crappest bit of all: what did they do at the end of their set? Yep, they trashed their guitars Nirvana-style. Not only that, but it looked like a complete act and nothing else; I get a feeling they were also fake guitars, how crap is that! Anyway, the humour for the night was partly brought by one of their roadies who obviously had a sense of humour: he kept dashing about the stage dressed in a white t-shirt and black shorts, with a set of cute glowing cherry-red devil horns!

Anyway enough bollocks, it was a fun night despite the beer prices and being stuck at the side of the balcony.

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Kevin